No Apology



As soon as we learn to speak, we are taught to say Please and Thank you.  Followed closely by I’m Sorry. From a very early age, we learn that if we do something wrong, we should apologize for it. And that’s still true.  If you show up late to an important function, or offend a friend, saying you’re sorry is often an important step to mending the wrong.  BUT, there comes a point, especially in the workplace, when being too apologetic or apologizing for the wrong things doesn’t help at all. And, in fact, it can backfire. Apologizing unnecessarily can actually undercut your professionalism by introducing doubt and diminishing others confidence in you. So, stop apologizing for the printer not working (unless it’s actually your job to get it fixed) or for the UPS guy being late.

When we constantly apologize, we send everyone around us the message that we are in a “sorry” state. We may begin with good intentions – it is important to be kind, caring, and sensitive. Ironically though, excessive apologies can isolate and confuse others around us. So, how much apologizing is too much?  If the following sound familiar, you may be going overboard:

• “I’m sorry, I don’t want to bother you.”

• “I’m sorry, I just went for a jog and now I’m all sweaty.”

• “I’m sorry, my house is a mess right now.”

• “I’m sorry, I think I forgot to put sugar in the coffee.”

Beverly Engel, psychotherapist and author of The Power of Apology, gives this advice: “First, recognize you have a problem. Next, pay attention to how many times you catch yourself apologizing. Then tell yourself, “I’m only going to apologize once.” If you feel you’re about to apologize again, count to three. That should stop it.

Some people apologize almost for their own existence on the planet. They put themselves down and blame themselves for all kinds of stuff. I have even heard people apologize because it started to rain on a sunny day. If you do this you are sending out the signal that you are a victim and should therefore be treated like one.  Natalie Thomas wrote. . .”by making an apology out of the gate about who we are and who we’re not, to protect from judgment or pain, we’re really only hurting ourselves. By dumbing down and disrespecting ourselves, we’re saying who we are right now, in our skin — a few pounds heavier, not dolled up, a work in progress — is not okay”

Why apologize if you didn’t do anything wrong?  After all, do you really mean it?  And, if you apologize all the time, it loses value. Being sorry for everything means you’re sorry for nothing. Think of “I’m Sorry” like “I Love You.” It should only be said with care. What say you?

** Thanks for Visiting! This post is F Y E. I'm not a Psychologist/Counselor, and NOT giving any advice here!  If you like this post, please comment & Email it to others.  Don’t forget to follow me on Bloglovin, and PinterestOr get the latest posts via Email.**

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