Love & Money

Living with a Thief can destroy a relationship just like any other Infidelity. Yesss. . . Sex is not the only betrayal in a marriage. A spouse emptying out the bank account and putting you in debt is Financial Infidelity (FI) And, it can bring you to your knees.  If you are married, you think of yourself as the only other member of a Team.  And, you expect that your team member only wants the best for the team.  Right!  When cheating happens, you feel duped and foolish. You are not alone. . . FI appears to be widespread behind closed doors in many communities.  According to a Harris Poll survey in 2018 -  "41% of Americans who combine their finances with a partner admit to some form of misbehavior. And 75% of couples said their relationship has been widely affected by financial deception"  This is a unisex problem and not only about women hiding money from the grocery bill.  So many women that find themselves in this kind of coupling have said "there's more to a relationship than money".  Okay. . . I hear you Gurl.  But money says a lot about a relationship my Dear!


Concealing fiscal information is a self-protective response to feeling unsafe in the relationship,” says Kate Levinson, author of “Emotional Currency.” “Even though you may like the idea of merging your money with your spouse’s on an intellectual level, you ultimately don’t trust that your partner will be there for you".

Financial Experts, Therapists and Lawyers all agree that FI fall into certain categories:

ADDICTION -  Drugs, shopping & gambling or any other compulsion that requires Cash is the number one cause of FI. This is always the first concern for spouses and will require professional help. Get the help you need Fast.
REVENGE -  The ultimate Payback for betrayal. Or, so we think.  How sweet or bitter this can be to your bottomline is up for grabs.
SOCIAL PRESSURE -  In this Instagram world, where everyone's life looks so much better than yours. Money shortage can feel like a disgrace and we need that outfit in our life too.
DIFFERENT VALUES -  One believes in saving very dime and living frugally, and the other wants to keep up with the Joneses.
ANXIETY -  Secret hoarding and spending can fulfill a great emotional need. Not just a matter of deception, but a coping mechanism. Life used to be so hard and he/she does not want to go back there.
AFFAIRS -  Sexual infidelity and the financial kind goes hand in hand. Because the money for the hotel bills have to come from somewhere.
SELF-PRESERVATION -  If you partner is very controlling and you cannot reason with them. "By siphoning off  money, you are not only taking care of yourself, but separating  yourself emotionally from a fraught situation". Is the reason says Jane Greer, a New York Psychologist and author.
If you suspect that your spouse or partner has been financially unfaithful, you should not get Violent. Your first step is to advise them that you have concerns, as much as is humanly possible. It depends on what humanly really is. I'm not sure I could restrain myself and would have to seek professional help.


Let's face it, there are several red flags before the account is drained by the infidel. All of a sudden the bank statements are no longer coming in the mail or you notice withdrawals that are suspect, and that was last month. Get on defense immediately. Do not give in to measly excuses as to why your online passwords to the accounts are not working. If the bank contacts you regarding NSF charges or large cash withdrawals, pay attention.  Things are getting fishy and you know what to do with stale fish.

When it comes to your hard earned money, you must keep you eyes and ears wide open my Sistas.

** Thanks for Visiting. This post is FYE.  I am not a Financial Counselor and not giving any advice. I'm just a woman on this life journey.  If  you like it, please leave a comment & Share, Share, Share. Don’t forget to follow me on Bloglovin  for new post updates, and on Pinterest**

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