Are On-again, Off-again relationships Good for You?
Have you ever dated someone, broken up and then ended up with them again? Or, there's someone who comes in and out of your love life and the door never quite closes? Psychologists refer to this pretty common dating practice as “cycling”, and have found that a relationship that cycles during the dating phase is more likely to cycle once you live together or are married. On top of that depressing tidbit, if you’ve ever cycled back to your ex, everyone you’ve ever met has some discouraging advice for you. They’re certain that no one ever really changes and that you need to be extremely careful. Oh, and in case you forgot, they constantly remind you how sad you were after the last time - do you want to do that again? According to Alice McAlex there are eight positive reasons to get back with your ex :
1. You’re not starting at the beginning.
Getting back together with your ex is so much better than starting a new relationship. You still have all the butterflies and sparkly feelings that you get from all the firsts with someone new, because it’s the first in a while and it’s even more anticipated because you know how good it is. Plus all the awkwardness is gone.
2. You’ve already seen each other at your worst and survived it.
Breakups suck. Usually, your perception of your ex changes after a breakup, and most often negatively. Because let’s be real, someone’s probably going to be a little crazy or a little rude and everyone is more likely to say something harsh in the heat of the moment.
3. You’re willing to stand up for each other.
When you take someone back who’s hurt you before, you’re going to have a lot of explaining to do. Your friends and family care about you - they only want to protect you. But when they’re questioning you, it can get rough and feel like you’re being attacked.
4. You’re realistic.
You’ve seen your relationship be derailed by practicalities before, so you don’t underestimate the power of them. You know how important it is to be on the same page and to make decisions together.
5. You didn’t destroy your chance at a relationship when the circumstances weren’t right.
Sometimes it’s going to be really hard to make a relationship work. If you’re in totally different places, either physically or in what you want out of life, the relationship is going to be fraught with hardship.
6. You know how to have tough conversations.
Not all relationships carry heartbreak from the same relationship with it. A lot of people would think that’s a heavy burden for a relationship, but I think it makes you better prepared to have hard conversations. Your heart has been hurt before, thus you’re not willing to ignore your worries or brush difficult decisions under the rug.
7. When you commit, you’re really committed.
You both know you can’t mess around with each other’s lives or feelings because there’s already been so much history. When you get back together, for real this time, you mean it. You act to diminish doubts & increase security every day.
8. There’s a reason you’re drawn back to each other.
"After every single breakup with my fiancé, I was most upset because I knew he was the one for me—my very own Big (before the movies, obviously). We kept finding (or fighting) our way back to each other because we knew our relationship was special" says McAlex.
A year after I broke up with my then Husband, he came around with flowers & whispers of sweet nothings. . . you know a year was a very long dry spell! I really tried to give him a second chance AND he just could not stop stepping on his own damn foot. More times than less. ."No woman gets rid of a good man". Maybe you are a creature of habit and You stay because it's just comfortable. . . . . . I can't wait to read your comments!
