MONEY. It is a touchy subject that can turn a good chat into a war of words. However, it is a necessary topic to discuss with your Honey especially if you are in a committed relationship. Money affects everything in your plans for the future, from planning a wedding to long-term investments like a home. It's true that in the early stages of a relationship, you don't need - nor do you really have any right - to know his 401(k) balance or how many zeros are in his salary. But as a relationship moves forward, knowing how you each handle your dollars and cents makes sense: It keys you into what you both value and think is important, what goals you have and, if you're getting serious, whether either of you will be bringing the dreaded "D" word, Debt, into the other's life.
Having the Money Talk is a necessary evil and it could blow up in your face. But, you are a Confident assertive woman and you know how to handle your Honey. . . Or so you think. Your attitude is very important going into the discussion. The key is to start by asking their advice. Yes, even if you don’t need it! Bring the topic up lightly. “Hey, I’ve been trying to learn more about money lately . . . What do you think about investing versus saving?” If all you hear is crickets. . . try: “Okay, hey, I have another question . . . What do you think about my spending? Is there anything you think I should change?” I can guarantee you they’ll have something to say or an opinion on that. And, although you’re sacrificing yourself, at least it will get the conversation started.
Spend some time talking about your attitudes toward money. How you treat money? Do you spend more than you make? Why? How did your parents talk about money? What do you know about bankruptcy? Do you know of anyone who had their auto repossessed? . . you may have to throw in some examples to lighten the atmosphere, if you find the interest in the conversation dwindling. But make your chat interesting and do not forget the humor along the way.
Talking about money, in the context of where you stand and what you want, can also bond a couple. You can help one another plan, meet your goals, and discover new things about each other. When you're up-to-date on money issues, you know when to step in and offer to grab that tab, and when you talk about the future in terms of finances, you have a clearer vision of what it might look like and what you can accomplish, together.Yours, Mine & Ours: You have decided to move in together or get married. How should you divide your money? Should you maintain separate bank accounts or go all-in and pool all your earnings and assets? Or a mixture of the two? I remember when my now ex-husband drove some 60 miles to withdraw money, from a savings account we set up together while I was at work. And I did not find out until the bank statement came at the end of the month. You bet that prompted me to close that account and split the funds. Many married women will advise you - to keep a separate nest egg or as I call it (F..k U money) as a way to maintain independence. . .that is 2 bank accounts - my bank account & our bank account. It's all up to you, so pay attention to the little details. Discuss all this with your partner before you sign your name to the lease so that this little thing, will not be a problem later.
Remember, money isn't everything but it can be quite the game changer - he earns significantly more than you or less money than you, could be the reason why he chooses a certain restaurant or don't want to go to Cancun on vacation. Therefore, you need to know. However, keep in mind that it really, truly should not matter. Try to see beyond the bank. If you crave your Honey, trust your Honey, and if your relationship is built on kindness & generosity - life together could be very rich.
More to read on this Topic:
Money minus the Meltdown
4 Tips on how to talk to your spouse about money.
Truth About Money & Relationships